Am I prepared for the Great Apolicalicys?

My friends joke that I am ready for the "Great Apolicplicys" because of food that I have in my room closet. If something happens they joke and say that they are going to come to my room if that happens. Thing is I just like having in there too eat 1) if there's nothing in the cafa at school or i don't wake up in time 2) or if something happens and I need to use it, like a big snow storm and shuts down the whole town and the school.(Thank goodness for the genetor that Horsfall has.)

So any ways, the economy falling and the government trying to help it.

My Church has taught for years to keep a year supply of food. I don't have that, but I do have a good 5-6 days worth... if I am sharing then maybe 2-3days depending on how much we can eat sparingly.

I recently read on MSN a story that "Mormons are prepared for hard times" (See article here ---> http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28392743) the article was good... put the Church in a good light... but.. they had some AP style issues that I wasn't sure if it was right or not.
But, one thing I really wish they could have re-worded.... "It's unclear how many individuals and families need church assistance each year. Church statistics from 2007 show some 210,000 people used employment centers and training to find jobs. But church officials declined to provide a demographic snapshot of the average welfare recipient, the amount of time most recipients use the programs and an average value for the commodities provided.

Without that information, it's difficult to assess the effect the church programs have on the community, said Glenn Bailey, director of Crossroads Urban Center, an advocacy and direct services agency for the poor in Salt Lake City that annually gets a share of church commodities for its own emergency food bank."

First off, it's to diffucult to deterimine how many people go to the Bishop Store House. People from ALL demographic, education, life situations go to bishops store house if they need it.
Bishops Store House's are every where in the in United States and even outside the States.

In regards to the Bishops Store House I know first hand that they have a large effect on communitys every where. As the article stated, the Bishops Store House does not just help it's memebers it helps other too. And just because the information was not made for the news media does not mean that the Church does'nt help. If people in the media want to know the affect the Church plays... maybe they should think about what would happen if they didn't give. (Now this would never happen, but the numbers might surpise you.)

*The thoughts in this blog do NOT RELFECT the Church's beliefs or standers. They are the thoughs of the bloger*

Merry Christmas

For those that have to be the first one to say.. "Christmas Eve Gift" I beted you too it. Merry Christmas, Feliz Navida and Have a Happy New Year!

Year End Review 2008

Year End Review 2008

Okay, so every year for the last 3 years or so, I give a break down of events through out the year as well as a summary from the pervious year.

2007 – I loose my best friend and fiancé Derek and in turn I meet a wonderful family, the McGees and in many ways become part of their family. I also participate in the Martin Harris Pagent, in Utah. I had back to school in Arkansas for another fun filled semester.

January 2008-

I count down the New Year McGee Style. Brittany, Sarah, Josh, Catie, Betsy, Adam, Benjamin, Carla and Jimmy and I count down to the new year at Josh and Caties House. We play Apples to Apples and have lots of fun! (For those that haven’t guessed I spent the New Years as well as Christmas with my Utah Family.)

The month also makes of two events one meeting Derek a year ago via ldsmingle.com on December 31, 2006 (Jan. 1 2007) and of course Arthur on Jan.14 2008.(Don’t jump to conclusions just yet. I felt okay about moving on and that I should.)

February 2008-

I turn double 22! The kids I baby-sit for make me a brownie cake and we eat it and I get to blow out candles!

My hatered for V-day still stands!(Stupied commercial holiday!)


March 2008

We start the month off with a big snow storm… that covers the campus. Lots and Lots and Lots of snow… it happens on Friday and I am stuck inside for most of it because I am working on a project for one of my Journalism Classes. I did get to play in though and I took pictures.. I was glad I got my snow!

Spring Break Happens! Pam, Jazz and I make a road trip to Dallas! I become a tourist of my own town. We go to the Dallas Art Muesum, the Dallas Arbrium(which is some big flower garden) see and even stand were JFK was shot(they thought we were going to get killed because it’s a main road that’s still used today.) It was a fun road trip… and we all learn new driving styles… “Take a Pam, or Jazz or Brittany”

Lots of things happen this month. It makes one year since Derek died. My “sister-in-law” has a kid on Derek death day and Brittany M’s birthday his name is Daniel. ( I kinda knew this kid would come on this day).



April 2008

I try out for Mascot.

I loose my mind on hot April day and I decided to try out to be Around Campus Editor for the School News Paper. I get the job.

May 2008

I graduated with my associates from UAM!

I get the call to be Mascot!

I also go to the Dallas Temple with my mom’s ward youth.
And I head back for my Summer in Utah. Arthur and I meet for the first time. I stay with My cousins in SLC and have fun with them. It was a lot of fun! And I enjoy take Utah public transportion system.

June 2008

I work at the best burger joint in Utah, “Five Guys Burgers and Fries”

Oh, I get engaged.(date yet to be desided. Please do not ask any questions)

July 2008

I head to California for the McGees family reunion! I see the Gold Gate Bridge in person for the first time in my life and I swim in the Pacfic ocean and I learn that I need to set some new life goals as to places I want to see when I died. I also eat at a place call In-and-Out Burgers!

August 2008

I head back to Arkansas, this time my parents turn it to a road trip and help me move in.

Sept.2008

I attend my first football game as the Weevil! And we win our first football game.
School picks up full speed and I become very busy with school.

October 2008

Still busy with school.. ..

My parents and grandparents come to Homing for our football game and see me!

My friends and I present the Pork Chops and Applesauce Part 3.. Sally gets hitch!

November 2008

I present my topic in my history class, Mormons in Arkansas. In my research paper Press Forward Saints: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Arkansas. (It was rather interesting.. learned a lot of people are misinformed)

I spend the Holidays with Jazz for the Second Year in a row.

Black Friday happens… Jazz, Courtney, Megan, and I and two of Chesles friend go to Little Rock. Court and I share a sit all they way there.

I also give in and see the Movie Twlight and fall in love with it… and more so Edward Cullen. (I can’t believe I just said that)

December 2008

I head to Dallas to spend time with the family. I pass all my class with two B’s , two C’s and an A in journalism lab. I even pass Spanish with “B” I was really exicted. I pass a college level foreign language class.

I get my Driving Permit I am glad to have it. And I drive a few times in the month!(DO NOT SAY WHY DID YOU HAVE IT BEFORE OR WHY DON”T YOU HAVE YOUR LINECES(sp))

Looking back over the year I can see a lot has changed in my life and a lot more is to come. I had two close friends get married and another two get engaged. I learn more that I am still upset about Derek’s passing. I look forward to what the new year brings and the people that I will meet. 2008 been a good year and 2009 going to be even better.

To all my blog readers I will be seeing you in the New Year… best wishes to you and your families. Merry Christmas and Happy 2009

Songs with Meaning part 3

Right now I am at the Little Rock Airport headed to Dallas. Every year I make a list of 12 different songs that fit me through out the year. Here is the list for 2008! The songs are in no certian order.

1) "In this here today gone tommorw world we are living in"
2) "Some day I want to see those streets of gold....but I wouldn't mind waiting at least a 100 years or so "
3) "You better stop whining, pining Get your dreams in line And then just shine, design, refine Until they come true And you better get to livin'"
4) "It happens all the time to people that i know.. there wishes all come true so i got to believe that there is someone out there meant for only me.."
5)" If I count all my blessing then I get a smile on my face but it's still hard to find faith."
6 ) "Where is the passion when you need it the most.... you pick up the leaves and the magic is lost"
7) "Try to show kindness in all that you do"
8) "Laugh when you are filled with joy...For Luaghing giving too"
9) "Help me if you can, I got to get back to house in Pooh Conor by 1"
10) "You say world come between us, our lives have come between us."
11) "When we're on the phone and you talk real slow ..Cause it's late and your mama don't know"
12) "Don't worry if you've been wrong or right it's in the past what is done is done"

For some reason this year, it was harder to put this list togather, there were some songs, I know
I needed to use and wanted to... but some, I wasn't sure. It wasn't like last year or the year before when I put a lot of thought into it. Okay.. more thought in to it... but these songs at somepoint this year can relate to me...
Happy New Year and Merry Christmas Blog Readers!

Schools Out!

Well, another semester has drawn to a close. YAY! This semester I took, Histotograpghy(a class were history people learn to write history papers and how history people due reachsearch. I had to write a 12-15 page paper. My topic was "Press Forward Saints: The Church of Jesus Chirst of Latter-day Saints in Arkansas" I had a lot of fun with it, learned a lot and had to dummy it down stating some miss information that people had been told from other sources. My paper when I mad all my corrections was 14 and 1/2 pages long! Footnoted (The font was 12 pt. Time New Roman, double spaced.) I think that is the longest paper I have ever written since I have been in school). I am hopeing to prestent at a history conference this spring. :)!

My other classes were, Colonial America, Journalism Lab(where I wrote for the paper. To read any issue of the Voice, click the following link: http://thevoice.uamont.edu/archives. My articles for this issue are under Fall 2008). I also took a class on Africa in Islam. (That class was a lot of fun, learn a lot, study a lot). And I took Spanish I. Wow, talk about a lot of work. Some parts of Spanish are fun while other well, not so much. I can look at some words in Spanish an recoginze them, but telling you what they mean that another story. I learned over some 200 spanish words this semester. I got a "B" in Spanish, I was soo happy that I got that grade it made my day!

Now, let's talk about grades. I think, essay you right for class are judge by the teachers Bias. I went to class every day did everything I was suppose to and yet, in Colonial America my average was at 78 with my test (80 % of your final grade is test and 20% is comig to class, demanor, ect) If I did my caculations correctly it should have been a "B" but, whatever, I passed his class and that is all that matters! Now, my Africa Class, I probly deserved the grade I got, but everyone should have gotten that grade. I went to class every time. The only time I miss part of a class was the last class and that was because I had to go to a game to do my mascot duties. Everyone bomb the second test. And grades in there I think were bias, when it came to the class leadership dissicussion. Grrr! I don't know why I even bother.

So right now, my grade point adverage is a 2.33. I am a litte ticked about that. Because I wanted a 3.0. I transfered to this school with a GPA of 3.4. And then I had some bad semester, when Derek died and it seems that everything since then hasn't been super great. I work my tail off studying or a least attempting to study and understand this crap but it does'nt really work and that makes me mad. Why should I eveb bother.

I did find out that I am 9 hours away from a journalism major and 9 hours away from a History Major. I could double major, if I wanted to stay here until Spring 2010. (But, I really am not sure I want to do that.) Of course at the rate the eco. going getting a job for me fresh out of college is going to be what can I say a challenge? Because there not going to be any jobs to do. I suppose I can always go back to flipping burgers and serving fries. Which I don't have a problem with, I just want to do something with my life. I want to teach or help kids get through by being a counserl. That would be fun, I would love that!

Or maybe go be a radioolgisit(this however would require more schooling) of course if I go get my MAT that too would requrie more schooling. I am not so sure what I need to do.

Anyways, now I only have two more semesters left till I get my BA in history at the rate I am going now. And I should graduate Next December in 2009, shortly before Christmas.

Now, for my rant. The cleaning lady at my dorm, Ms.Mary, she smokes right outside my window and even with it closed smoke, still comes through my window cracks and fill up my room. It even fills up the hall way, because she smokes right by the door. The law here at least states that she is suppose to be 25 feet away from the any building. And she not the only one who does it, Students do it too. That's the one thing I hate is waking up to the smell of smoke and that is one thing that will wake me up.. its a nasty smell and makes my tummy upset. At least on Sept.1 2009, the campus here will go smoke free(*does a happy dance*)

Well, today is my last day at the dorm, tonight I head to Jazz house and then tommorw I fly to Dallas to go home for Christmas. Pam and I are planning to meet up at the airport and have lunch or something.We both happen to be leaving on the same day at the same time... hehehe that is pretty cool!!!

I am not sure how much blogging I will get done when I get home, because I don't have net access at my parents house.We will have to go to the libary and what not to do so...

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and best wishes to you from me!

Weevil Fun and Masks

The Weevil taking a pose in the grass... even little weevils need their rest!

The weevil with the parents at Homing coming 2008! The came to see their weevil do a little dance!

The gang of Pork Chops and Apple Sauce showing off their mask they got for doing their skit at mocha maddness...(The gang performed the 3 season of Pork Chops and Apple Sauce)

The Weevil cheering for th camera at the Homing Coming game 2008! Go WEEVILS!

Halloween Fun!

Halloween: This is by far my favorite holiday above my birthday and Christmas. Maybe I love Halloween cause I love fall and it feels more like fall with Halloween!


<- Here in this picture are my friends at my dorm. We dressed up for are dorm halloween party that took place on Wednesday before halloween. We had a fun night!

<- Me after I was turned into a walking mummy at my dorm Halloween Party. The object was to ge to gather in groups and see who could make the best mummy! It's fun I went as a witch and turn into a mummy! My group one the contest! Because I was walkin mummy and the others were statue mummys!

<- Me becoming the mummy!

>_ This is what my pumkin looked like after I craved. Apperently it won 2nd in the cafertria pumkin carvin contest. I stuck a flash ligh in my pumkin to see what it would like light up. Craving was rather fun... but getting out the pumkin guts that was not.

<- Me using gloves to dig out the pumkin guys.... what a face I made!

Life Update: October

(Please read the editors note located at the bottom of the web site)

Well, apperently, its been a while since I last posted about events. Life's gotten pretty busy.

Schools update: Last time, everyone heard I was the Around Campus Editor for my school news paper.

The AC editor writes up the events happening around campus, scholarship updates and compture lab, tutoring and mentors operations(sp) hours.

Well, apperently, one of my last stories about the Math and Physics club on campus had some fatal errors. 1) One of my stens appeared as the Math and Psychics club. 2) I list a sponsor of the club who is not one and had aowrng title with the other and 3) Ilist the worng club colors

So, I got demoted to a staff writer... because he can't have editors making mistakes. I can prove number 1 wrong. In my orgianal story I did not have Pshychics mention at all! Some how it got re typed, like much of my article that day.

As of today, I have not talk to my Journalism professor about a mistake that was not mine. As for the club colors, according to my notes, Black was not listed in my notes. I

accept responsability for the names mistakes, but as for the other to, I do not. Espically the spelling of Pshychis. I may be the worlds worst speller, but, I can spell physics.

Heck, I spelled physic(s) right in my handwritten notes. Yeah, I was a little upset about it and to some point even right now I still am, but, who cares.

One less stresser in my life right? For those who wish to view the story that has been re-edited once errors were found after publication, click the flowing link: http://thevoice.uamont.edu/archives/6-5/news/staff (Math and Physics club Plans)

I learn a lot in the journalism. And if I ever had to create my own publication I could.

Weeviling a lot of fun! The football team is 7-2! This weekend we play North Alambma!

I really do love what I do, its a lot of fun! I could be having the worst day ever and then I go be "Weezzie and a little kid comes up to me and gives me a hug and makes me smile and it changes my day.

Spanish is going okay, I am actaully learning a lot. And having a lot of fun.. in fact I should be at spanish tutoring right now, but I am working on my History paper, about Mormons in Arkasnas, for one of my history classes. It's really interesting like, the church in Arkansas did start really growing until the mid 1930's. WOWS! My realtionship with Arthur going okay.

We have had some rough patches here lately about differences in different things. Much of which I perfer not to disclose here on the blog. I am in the process of telling a select few people more details. So, it may take a while ... with school and all. For those asking, we are still planning on getting married.

Oh, and I found out that I will be in Arkansas again in Fall 2009. For classes, because they will not be offering all the classes that I need to graduate in the Spring. So I will come back for two required classes and I will be taking some radnom classes.

The bid is up, for who wants me for christmas and next summer. Every one it seems wants to see me... so place you bid...

Look for pictures with the next week or two of weeviling... hope all is well and Happy Halloween!

Growing up with ER

I was just a pre-teen when ER first hit the air waves. With doctors like, Dr.Mark Greene, Dr.John Carter,Dr. Kovac, and even nurses like Halye, Abby, and even the front desk clerk. There were the love tales, the drama tales and the ones that jerk out your heart.

Looking back on the past eppy's I see growth, I see learning and I also see that I have gotten really old.

Tonights eppy Abby Lockhary left... In her monglue at the start of the show, she said something of interest: "Those who long for death bu it does not come."I remember for a while in my life that I wanted death to come to me because I wanted nothing more than to be with my best friend who died.

Because I miss him. (See future blog about my life's new philisophy" And then as she was going to work on a patient, someone in the waiting room made the comment, "Today everything changes" and Abby was quick to say, "Oh, really I thought that was next week."

It's funny to think that change is happening every day and that sometimes we think the biggest changes happen next week or tommorw. But, in reality should we not be ready for change everyday? (That made sense right?)

Happy Birthday Derek!

Happy Birthday to a best friend, lover, brother and
son:

Happy Birthday Derek! We Love You!

Loving you always!

The Hero

Last Sept.25, 2007: I rewrote a paper topice that I wrote for English 2 when I was in college back in Dallas. Expect I changed who my hero was.

I had this exact blog posted there and I felt that I should post it blogger for all the bloger people to read. To.. I hope you enjoy... and please comment if you want.

The Hero
There's a hero inside of us,

Though we may not know where it is,w

e may not be payed,

or noticed for our hero deed

but those that do notice,

know

the

hero

the hero inside of us.

Written by: Brittany Pickett

Defining a Hero, was a topic last summer I was asked to write a paper on. I was
asked to tell who my hero is and why. When I got the topic I will admit, yes I was
excited and I could not wait to start my paper. I just was having a hard time
choosing my hero. I didn’t want to choose my parents because it seems that when
that question is asked to students that come up a lot. I want my hero to be one
who made a difference in my life and one that had qualities that I look up to. So I
choose a friend of mine. I choose her for things that happened in her life and how
she said she handle them with courage. For her strength that she said showed,
friendliness attitude. All qualities that I thought a hero should have.

But then I meet my fiancée. One day during a conversation on heroes, I asked
him who his was. He told me it was our prophet Joseph Smith, jr. I wish I could
remember why he said that it was his hero. I wanted to say it was then that I
started to reconsider who my Hero was.

Joseph Smith, a prophet seer and revelator, he stood up for what he believed. He
only told what he saw and heard. He was an average farm boy, from what I would say an average family during the mid 19th century. He restored the
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints to earth. He translated the Gold
Plates to what we now as the Book of Mormon. And no, it is NOT another bible. It
is another Testament of Jesus-Christ of Latter Day Saints. His hero qualities that I
have come to admire: courage, faith, believing trusting, caring, hardworking, want
to be a friend and being a friend. Those are just some of the qualities that to me
make a hero.

I guess I have realized that the person who I thought was my hero wasn’t, that
maybe perhaps I wanted her to be my hero but maybe that was just me making
someone be something that they are not.

It wasn’t until she walk out of my life that I realized a hero would not do that.
So, who is my hero? I would have to say that this person saved my life. No this
person didn’t pull me out a burning building or save me from something large and
heavy falling on me. Like Superman would do. This person saved me both
physically and spiritually. Just when I thought I was at the end of my rope. That
people who I thought were my friends no longer cared or loved me. He came into
my life. Very softly and with care he came in. At first I spoke telling him what was
wrong, where I was at in life. He just sat and listened. A quality of a hero, will have
the ablitily to listen first then speak.

He saw a broken heart, broken spirit, and someone who was dying inside.
Because of my hero, I became better, almost suddenly. I began to feel better
about myself. I guess, its like that quote that I read in the book called Freedom
Writers, “When someone cares about you and ask about you. And genuine shows
that they care, You begin to feel better about yourself.” My hero did that, he
changed my life. And it seemed that other who knew me could see that too.

I suddenly began to become very excited to see him come online to talk to. He
became my friend first, then a lover and finally my fiancée. He never got the
chance to give me the ring, but between my family and his. I was his fiancé and he
was mine.

He showed me how to love again, help me heal my broken heart. Made ME feel
better physically and mentally, I went from weigh 96 pounds when I meet him
online to meeting him and weighing 107 to now weight 125ish.

Like all heros, they sometimes can’t defeat death. My hero died on the morning of
March 29, 2007, he died loving me. And even though we may be miles and time
apart, I know that my hero loves me as I still love him.

As we honor our Heroes, we can remember them for the hero deeds and all that
taught and influenced in our lives.

My hero, is my best friend, lover and now a guardian angel. His name is Derek
McGee.

Area 31, Mr.Potato Head and Playdough

Yesterday, I went with Pam and Jazz to Area 31... okay for those that don't know or understand what that is... its nothing illgeal its an area in wal-mart that has the jewearly... we went to look at engagement rings.. and then we bout 8 doller cheap rings. Mine is purple in the middle and to clear crystals each side... my ring is a size to big ... but its still pretty.

Why did I do it... so I can havea ring and fit in with the rest of the world who all has engagement rings or wedding bands. And I feel my moment will never come... that I will die with out know what it will feel like to have someone put a ring on my finger.

I hate having to see all that...I guess it sucks more so for me and bother me more because of what happened with Derek and how much that hurts.. (and more so how angery now I am getting cause he is dead)

My day started stuck after I left the Language Lab.. I got so fustrated with trying to pronouce things.. It seems nearly impossiable to master this new language and I am getting really discoruaged with that.

I have a fatal error in my story in the news paper at school. I am gonna get yelled at tommorw for that error.. I did'nt connect a link.. because I don't understand how.. but I am asking for help with that. So I will have to see how that plays out.

My homework has now reached full capcaity and I am very overwheelemed and I am going pretty crazy right now...

Jazz and I went back to Walmart to day to go pitty shopping... we were both having a hard day and need to get out.. and we went to walmart and went toy shoping... I was going to get a sock monkey stuff animal... but then I saw a Mr.Potato head. I've always wanted a Potato head. So I got one. He is sitting on my dresser looking sorta like Pisaco.And playdough... I made a playdough blob... with a sad face... because it's how I feel.

I feel be littled because LP has her Drivers Licenses and I don't. Mom's says I shouldnt be envous of it. But that's besided the point. It's not fair.. I am older.. and I have to rely on others to take me places or public transportation.

And to top it of right now those with AT&T of all I have talked are having trouble making calls out and sending text messages.. and that to me is rather annyoying...

I am just upset and ticked and I ca'tn even focus on all of my homework.....
Grrr!

Baby-Sitting Adventures

Tonight at babysitting was rather adventures. I love the kids the kids I watch, they know just how to make me smile. But tonight, when Jesse(4) and Levi(6 1/2) were playing outside with their neighbor Parker, they found a dead bird. And before I could get outside to check on them, Levi had nailed a dead bird to a tree. Actually it was his wing. I asked him why he did that and he said that he thought that it looked cool! Jesse ended up knocking it down with a stick. Then their neighbor wanted got the idea to burry it.

Apperantly, a while back there was a bird that died and they buried on one side of the yard it was a brown or black bird. I said, we should burry that one on that side. Levi said that they couldn't because this new dead bird was blue and yellow and it could be on the same side as that one. So we burried near the tree where it was nailed too.

The kids, dug a whole with a hammer and a shovel. They use the hammer to put the bird on a piece of wood and threw it in the ground and covered it in the ground. Then they wanted to mark it so we put a stick in the ground.

Then they wanted to dig up the 1st dead bird from a while back... I explained to them that it would just be bones, and they were like but birds have feathers...

Kids' dont they do the darnest things?

Oh I did make them washed there hands really well and we even had a pretend campout with a pretend campfire and sung songs and I had lots of fun tonight!

My First Week Of School

And I have desided to show a picture of my dorm door that I decorated and my bed. I plan to have a video of my dorm room up really soon. But for now the pics, enjoy!

Click the link to see a video of my dorm room tour! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0wwmb3EnMQ

Life Back at School

Well, classes start yesterday. I am in Spanish 1, West Africa and Islam, Col.America and Histographys. I am back working on the school newspaper as an editor for Around Campus.

My dorm room is all neatly organized and clean and my door is full of colorful poka-dots. I will have to get a picture of it up on the web soon so all my family and friends can see it.
I miss Utah.

Getting use to the humdity rather interesting. I really hate it. Thought lately its been raining a lot. It's rained every day since I have been here. I have seen more rain in the last few days then I saw in Utah this summer.

My foot still kind of hurts and I am wear my ace badged off and on.

One thing is for sure this semester is going to be really busy with a lot of readings, journalsim and other things on campus that I will have to do. It's going to be a crazy year. But, saddly it's my Senior year and next summer will be my last year at school here, because I will graduate with a BA in History(if all still goes to plan).

UAM been a great school, I am gald that Morris and Tonya convinced me to come here. It's been a blessing to be at this school and I have just fallen in love with it! Maybe one day I will come back with a PhD and teach here, now that would be cool.

This will be a short blog.. because now I have to go and read some stuff for school and I want a snack. So it's back to my room.

Love to you all! More from the Weevil later!

Summers End 2008

Well, it's the end of my summer. This time next week, I will be at school. Oh, how joyus. I had a great summer once again. This summer I worked at a placed called 5 Guys Burgers and Fries. It really is a great place to work. And I had a blast working there! Who ever said that food indusry is a job for dead beats, well, after to summers of working in it. I hate to tell you but you are wrong. I loved it! That's as simple as I can say it. And for those that haven't ever worked in the food industry I say give it a try.

The first weekend of August, Arthur and I went to the plantiarum. It was a lot of fun. We saw two shows, one called Night Life(about current space stuff happening, it was a live lecture) and then the other was called, Ultimate Universe( about space and the plants) both movies were shown in a dome thing) There were mini exbits of space rocks, what mars and the moon look like if you could actually walk on it, with out going through extintisve training and then there was a pendleum that was hanging from the ceiling and even a place to give a mock weather report. I was all about that. Take a look at the video and see me as Ms.Weatherwomen, (I've always wanted to do this).

Last weekend (Aug. 10) I went to Bear Lake with the McGee's and the Holladays and Arthur. It was so much fun. Brittany, of course dunk me in the water, what sisterly love. Arthur, had fun too. I love the traditon of going to Bear Lake, I can't wait till next summer it will be a lot of fun! It was also Jimmy and Carla's Wedding Anniverisy.

After the fun adventure at Bear Lake, we went to one of Carla's relatives houses to celebrate Jasmine's Birthday. She turn 2. (Jasmine and her brother Alex are the two kids, the McGee's are going to adpot) Thats was fun too, Brittany and I see-sawedfor a while... man, does that put a lot of work on your legs.

Yesterday,(Monday, Aug 12) I went with my counsins to one of the Cayons in Utah, to celebrate their grandmother's birthday. I had a lot of fun, I love being in the woods. We had a BBQ pinic lunch. The kids found this log, and jumped and walked and even got the pictures on it. What so great about this log? It was rather bouncy and you could jump up on... picture tiger jumping up and down and you might get a clear picture. (Hopefully that made sense).

And I also, help my boyfriend* move from his mom's house to a condo, that he will be sharing with two other guys. He's paying 345 a month, and he seems happier to be over there. I hope all keeps going well with him, things are really turning brighter for him. (Pictured to the right is a better picture of him and I at Temple Square in Utah).

Well, today, being Wednesday I am leaving the Beehive State, head to the LoneStar state for a couple days, before heading to my Weevil School. I am gonna miss it here, but next summer, I plan to move back here. That is if I don't feel incline that I should serve a mission for my church).

This summer has been a great one, with lots of memories and laughter. I think the college years are the best, because then I get to go and see places I would not get to see if places or do things like I do if I was married.

Well, that's it for this weblog, next time you read,more than likely it will be from school. I will post more end of summer pictures, soon. So stay tuned!

I pulled a stupied

Well, today was my last day at work, that part is really sad. :( But, when I was stacking the bread today I was standing on something that I really should not have been standing on in the first place.

The thing I was standing on was the aluminumn thing, that has bars on it that looks sorta like a bench, minus the back rest and that its to short.

As I was standing on it, both my feet fell, between two different bars and the first thought I has was, "phf at least I didn't hurt my feet or my ankles. I was wrong. I had landed wrong on my left foot. It hurt like heck. And, I still stayed at work when I was hurt... because I still needed to finish my job.

Where does it hurt, Left foot, left side, middle side of the foot....
And, we do have ladders, adn I should have been on one of those but, I didnt want to, I thought I could do it they ways I was doing it.

So, now my foot is wrap in an ace badages, which I had to go and get at walmart... so I walked on my bad foot, well, limped and walked to the rest of my errons and walked to the bus stop and then home...

Oh, my does it hurt... and I have cheer practice next Sunday night, I hope its better by then and not broken....

The rest of the July Update

After my little vaction, I went back to work, chilln' with the family and seeing Arthur more.

One day, the kids, their mom and I play'd in the little wadding pools for a couple hours, it was a lot of fun.I finished reading to books, Roses and Daisy and Life As We Knew It. Both really great books.

I've practied the piano and I think I am actually starting to read notes.... but, I can only play with one hand. Not much else has really happened for me to blog about.

Life, going as great as it can be. And Arthur and I are doing great. The heat, sucks, but I hear that in Arkansas and in Texas that its really, really, really, really hot there!

Oh, boy.. the joys of summer heat... maybe we actually will have a colder winter??? To me it seem that its been extra hot in SLC I don't recall that it being this hot last year at this time. Well, next time I write it will be August. And I start school in 21 days!

Videos to pass the time with

Okay, so for some of us, school starts in less than a month, so to easy the summer blues, I have found 4 random videos, that I think will make you laugh, keep your mind busy for 15 mins or so, or something like that. Anyways, hope you enjoy and comment your thoughts if you get a chance.

A short little video, called "The Cat Came Back"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wacMgB-gKs

Werid Al, "What I Bought On Ebay"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYokLWfqbaU

Something from my old high school, (there muscial in Fall 2007, as an Alumni I went back to see)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEt_-vA02gk

Ogga Baby (do you remeber back in the 90's when this was soo hip?)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvuqGfhvhkk

July Part 1 (Traveling Adventures)

I just could not wait till the end of the month to post this blog; and I can now say that I have been as far west as CA and as far east as NY, I've now been to the three beaches that touch the contiental US.(the Pacfic, Gulf, and Altantic). No I am not trying to brag, to me it's just a big accomplishment in my life.

Now for the update for the first part of July. I just returned after a 13 or so car ride, from San Fransico, for a family renioun with the McGees. I had a blast, saw some cool things, swam in a cold ocean, and got to know Derek's extend family a little better. [And the crazy part... they are kinda crazy (the good kind) like me.] I am greatful, for them for letting me join them, it truely means a lot to me in words that I can't even describe.

{how I wish he was still here in person. i miss him. :(}

One of the crazy things we did was play Mafia for like 2 hours. I moderated at the end.. but, poor Ross he always seemed to be the one that we all thought was maufa. I will say this Frank was a far better moderater than I was. I hadn't played that game in a while.. but I had fun, I hope everyone else did too.

I learn something about San Fransico.. there is a spot there that makes it one 3rd's most foggest place in the world. WOW. Its foggy in the mornings and then foggy at night. And here is something, I never knew... its actually pretty chilly there in July(at least it was when I was there) it had be in the mid-60s the whole time. When I got back to Utah, I could not deside what I liked better, the cold or the heat.

Driving across the Nevada deseart is very boring. Because you drive for 100 miles see a little town, then drive in a 100 miles of nothing. Lets just say, I took some naps on the way there and the way back. But, as we were driving out there I could not help but think of the diseny move "Cars" because of the town, Raderator Springs... were it was this big town and then it died when the big highway came through... and then I aslo thought how in the old days, people would travel by car for those family trips and have pinic lunches at those rest stops..(those must have been the days)

Okay... now for some picters for the public...

Me at the Golden Gate Bridge
Me visiting the temple grounds of the Oakland Temple
A pose at the Beach in Pacfica
The whole McGee Family silly picter

June 2008 Update

It’s hard to believe that it is the middle of June and I have been in SLC for two weeks now! I have been having a lot of fun. Hanging out with my cousins, Arthur and just starting my new job.

Let’s see I started off the summer with getting my associates of Arts from UAM. I will be going back in the fall to finish up my BA in History which I will get next summer. When I got to Utah at the end of May, I meet Arthur, his mother, and his brother Adam for the first time. We had a lot of fun are first day, and at the end of our first day we went and sat outside the SLC temple, it was such a wonderful feeling to be there on the temple grounds and just to take in the spirit that was there.

Then Sunday, I went to my nephews. Daniel’s baby blessing it was wonderful to go to that and to see my McGee family. After the blessing we had a cook out, with the family. It was a lot of fun. I have missed them. I won’t get to see them much this summer because, I am living in SLC this summer with my cousins and so that Arthur and I can be closer to each other this summer.

I do miss, not getting to hang out with my McGee family., though, if all still goes according to plan, I will be going to California with them for their family reunion. Which I am really excited about, I have never been to California before. And it will give Brittany and I time to see each other. It will be lots of fun! And the family renuinon is in July!

Hanging out with my cousins has been a lot of fun. I can now desicribe them with a short phrase, all nice of course. There is Lily, the youngest she is 2, she Mommy’s Girl; then comes Mary-Jane, she is 5, the dramatist/funny one.(She funny and very dramatic at times.) [Hey, I was that way when I was 5 and sometimes I still am, hehehe] Then there is Andrew, he is 7, and he is the Question Guy, always full of questions and wanting to know why.(he make a great little reporter, now that I think about it). Then there is the oldest, Hailey, she is 10, she is the reader or the group and leader. I love them all, they are all a lot of fun and its hard to believe they are all growing up.

I remember when, I was little before my step-uncle/1st cousin got married, he told me he was an elf and that he worked for Santa Clause. But, that was because I would only see him at Christmas when he would come home to GA for Christmas.

Arthur and I are getting to know each other, more and more. I think we are learning a lot about each other more so. I can tell he loves me and I can feel it. But, I will say this, dating him is WAY different then dating Derek. And I knew that it would be. But that is because they are two different people and I knew it would be. We went down to Temple Square for a couple hours the other day. He took me to the top of the Church office building it was really cool. On one side you could see where the pioneers came through the valley, then on the other you could see the SLC temple it was an awesome view. The day we went there were a lot of brides getting married. I will say it made me sad, to see all of that, because I want that in my life and I have a hard time believing that I will get that chance in my life and that when it happens, no one will care and that it will not be made to be a big deal.(I know I have said that before, but, bear with me, keep reading.)

And before I go any farther, do not roll your eyes, and do not say oh it will happen to you. Just give it time, it will all work out. That’s easy for some to say, because some of you already have that in your life and you don’t have to think about that not happening to you. Loose someone you are dating, planning to get married to, then you will understand. Being around Arthur more I have realized that I ma very bitter and anger with Derek’s death, but also dating him has taught me that I can love someone else again and that someone can love me just as much or if not more.

It also has taught me that the human heart is really big and can love more, and more.

Arthur and I have had a lot of fun, one of the things that he taught me was how the bus system works. Which was really helpful, I like there bus system better than the one in Dallas. I will say this I am proud to ride the bus, and with the prices of gas going up its really the best way to get to work. And it helps out the environment. Guess, in some ways I am going Green and saving on Greens.

And I have a job now, I am working at place called 5 Guys, Burgers and Fries. It is the first one in Utah. Five guys has been around for 22 years, and started in Virgina. I love working there. My position right now is toasting the hamburger buns, making the veggie sandwiches and making the grilled cheese. It is an art to toast buns! I also learned how to dress them. So, if you are ever around a place called 5 Guys, go taste their burgers they are so good. And their fries are perfect, I don’t think I can eat another type of fries unless its Five Guys! We will all be trained in all areas at 5 Guys, because we work as a team. I am really enjoying my job. Oh, I am working part time and I take the bus to get to work.

Well, I think that is all the update that I can give you guys for now. Keep reading the blogs and I will post pictures when I can.

Hope Everyone’s having a Happy Summer!

June Update

Well, I am finally here in Utah. I am glad to be in my home state.(Well, it's kinda my home state). 

I flew in to town Sat. May 31, I meet Arthur and some of his brothers and his mother. We had a great time togather. 

Sunday I went to my nephew's baby blessing that was good too. I was really glad I was able to go. Brittany M. came and picked me up and we went down to American Fork, apperently some of the family didn't know that I was coming. heheeh.. we were keeping it a secret from Sarah, she seemed pretty surpised when I walk in to church.. it actually took her a moment to find me in the corwd.. hehhe

So now my plans for the rest of the week include finding a job and another time to see Arthur. 

I will admit it is kinda strange to be dating again after, loosing Derek. I will say this, I really miss Derek. :(. 

Hope all is well. More summer updates later.

Summer the May Update!

Well, it is almost time for me to leave my parents house and head to my summer get-a-way. I am really exicted, one I get to see family, chill with the trees and mountian air, work and one of the most highlighting get to meet face to face, the another wounderful guy I have been dating.

His name is Arthur, and I really exicted about finally getting to me him in person. We have been talking for nearly 5 months straight.

In lighter news my novel I am writing about my love life is now 21,600 words! Its taken over a year for me to write that much. I hope to get it published oneday.

In other news in my life, I got my assoicates of arts at the being of this month. And the funny thing is I feel smarter having it. Something that not to many people know is that when I was at the cermony I could feel the presencs of my dead fiance, Derek there. I could feel that he was/and is really proud of me.

Now for my rant, I am getting really tried of this high prices of gas. They are affecting everything. Even the non drivers. It is just inshane. Right now the prices for my return ticket to my parents house has doubled. It is just crazy.

For my regular blog readers, look for my montly updates/or bi-monthly updates of what is happening this summer!

To All The Idiots

In the world today I think there are two kinds of people. Those that can use their heads and can be open to new ideas and then those that choose not to use their heads and be closed minded.

With all of the recent news about the FLDS church and their polygamist actions. There have been people that have made some wrong assumptions about the FLDS being Mormons and that they are LDS. To all of those people that think that, let me correct you by saying that the FLDS church is not Mormons. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, is not associated with them. The FLDS broke off from the LDS church over 100 years ago. As members of the LDS Church, we do not recognize them as Mormons or even members of the LDS Church.

And as a blogger, I would like my readers and anyone else who comes to my page to know that the FLDS members are NOT MORMONS. And I would appreciated even more if people would stop call them like-wise. And do not think for a moment that no matter how you look at saying that they are. Because they are not.

I recently read on a Reader's form for the UAM, The Voice(http://community.livejournal.com/uam/17764.html) were two readers stated that the FLDS religion was Mormon. In the journalism world, that is a fatal error, because they are not. It is like saying someone is a Baptist when they are actual Pentecostal.

But, what makes more upset is what when one of the readers made the comment that he didn't think that anyone of other faiths consider the LDS faith as Christians. First, how is calling someone not christian Christ like? And secondly, before people open there big fat mouths and say something like that, they really should do some correctable research, like maybe talk to a Mormon or attend one of their services on Sunday Mornings. I have news forever one, Mormons are Christan. We believe in Christ and Heavenly Father. I know for fact that they are Christan and believe in Christ. Why else, would the name of their Church have Christ in it.

So, to all the idiots out there, Mormons are Christian, and if your pastor has said that they aren't, then I hate to tell you this your pastor was wrong and he lied to you, but, Mormons are Christan.

And to clear up the other statement this guy made, We did not add to the bible. We have the same King James Version as everyone else. We believe the bible to be correct as far as it is translated correctly. We do have another book called "The Book of Mormon" which is another Testament of Jesus Christ. It is not another bible.

What some of the readers were trying to clear up were the fatal errors about the Mormon faith.

I am Mormon, I love my faith, but I am Christian, I believe in Christ and my dad only has one wife. I get offend when people assume things that are true about my faith, when in actuality they have not done proper research.

All, I am asking is if you want to know the truth about the Mormon Religion, don't go to your pastor or Wikiapieda, or some Joe-blow site. Come ask a Mormon, ask a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, or better yet come join us at church one Sunday and find out who we are.

A Halfway Mark!

Well, I did it! I finally got my Assiocates of Arts! I am soo proud of myself. And in just lest than 3 semesters I will have my BA in history, with a minor in Journalism. It's kinda sad to think that I am almost done with college. WoW me a college grad!

After the graduation thingy on the football field, my parents and I went to Hot Springs. It was okay there. Lots and lots of trees! The hotle we stay out, power went out! It happen about 10:15ish at night Now, that was crazy! There were even people stuck inside the elvator, and I got to watch some of the exictement as it happened outside our door. Since the power went out my parents and I went exploring around the area to get dessert. Not all the places where out, Wal-mart was out, that was kinda funny seeing a pitch black dark parking lot! Woah! Over all, Hot Springs is okay, not sure and this is MY OPINION that I would go back. Unless it is to go to the bath houses(which were closed when we were there).

For now I am back at my parents house until I head to my "other" state for the summer. Which I am really exicted about! As for me, thats about it nothing else really happening, I am just taking time to enjoy the summer. Though I really do miss being at school. Yeah, I miss school, it keeps me busy.(What will I do when I am graduated and I have a real job in the public school system?)

Well, more from the weevil later!

It was Horrd weekend!

Friday day was well- sucky! The only good thing that happened was that I got an A on my bio lab test and then I got to go babysit. It was sucky for well several reason, on I had to leave the journalism lab early, and yes, I know the reason behind. It was just annyoning because I am trying to finish up all my loose ends for my paper. Oh, well. So I left and went to work on another part of the assignment, so all wasn't lost.

I get back from babysitting and go over to the lab because it is open and I start working out the kinks for my newspaper I have to put togather for my final. Then it started to rain, thundred and lighting.. it got really loud. In the last two years, since I have lived in Arkanas I have never heard it that bad before. Then, there was a a big booom! And it wasn't till later that I found out that it was the sound of lighting hitting a telphone pole causing an electrical fire at Maxwell, they got it under control and nothing caught fire. But when that happened the power went out and then came back on for a bit and then it was off and on all night till Saturday morning when they cut it off all over campus so that they could fix the power.

So that little thing put a damper on my weekend because I needed Friday and Saturday to work on my projects and write my talk for Sunday. So I was behind.

Friday night, the Horsfall basment flooded. And I when I mean floody I mean there was ankle deep water in some parts of the basement. It was was crazy! They had said that the basment has flood before but I never believed them till I saw it happen this weekend.
Saturday suck, because I woke to dark halls, which typically have lights that stay on 24/7 .

I had Lunch in the dark again, for the second time that week. And it wasn't all that good.
About 12:30 p.m. the power finally came back on so I started working on my layout putting text into the paper, I was in the jouralism lab till 1:15 a.m. then came back showered and work on writing my talk. Which my talk didnt go as well as planned and it was poorly organizied and it was just bad. I could have done better. I know I had all week to prepare but, I never got the chance to or really made time to work on it, I just kept putting it off.

And now, its Sunday, I am waiting till 2 p.m. so that I can go to the libary and finish writing my papers on MS word 2007 and I just seem to work better there sometimes. And maybe even make way back to journalism lab to do some more editing. And I gotta find another picture of a weevil.. ode to joy.

I have my bio final Wednesday and I am SOOOO stress I can't take it.

I am very upset right now, because I don't think I will ever get married, to tell you the truth I don't believe it. I can't. And even I do, I don't think anyone would give a rats behind about it.
I am running on very little sleep, I am stressed, I am upset and crying and my life sucks! I miss Derek, I miss all the plans that we were making and how empty my life feels.

Mother's day coming up. I hate that holiday with a passion. I want to be honored. But I am not a mother, and I never will be. I don't feel that I will every be honored, like that.

Heck, out of the three guys that I have dated, one truelly did that for me the best he could , but then he died. They others tried and the other one still working on it.

Why is everything soo hard. I am soo tried of trying.. I want all these rightous desires that I am never going to have and things that I am never going to have.

And sometimes I feel like people just don't understand I think I am going to take Sarah's idea and become a hermit. Then I could hide and get out everyones way and they would not have to deal with me.

Why Me? It's just not fair!

Why me its just not fair!

I show up to meetings, I do my part, but yet, I didnt get voted in. I know maybe there is some reason why I didn't get SGA secretary. I will still go to the meetings, still goes on with life. Maybe, the Lord has some reason why I didn't get that postion.

I tried out for mascot, I had a skit planned out and I had a blast doing it. I thought it went pretty well. I didnt get it. I wanted becasue I thought it would be fun and something really cool to do. I will still go to football games, well the home games, and yet again life still goes on. Maybe, the
Lord has some reason why I didn't get to be mascot.

I've applied for two other things on campus this past semester and I didnt get it. Why me?

Derek, died and for a long time i thought I would never find love again. Then I meet Arthur, and him and are doing great. And having Arthur is a blessing in my life.

But the pain of Derek's death is still with me. And there is still the strong feeling of believing that I will actually get married. To me it still some stupied fairy tell, not ment for me.

My sister got her learners, yeah I am happy her but, makes me a litte belittled because, I am 22 and I don't even have my driver liceneses. It's not fair.

Life is not fair. Yes, I have always know these, but is not fair. For once, I want something postive in my life, something good for me. I want the spot light for once.

Yeah, I am getting my assoicates this spring and my parents, sister and my grandparents are coming, but still. Woopie, its a graduation. No big deal.

Get Your Facts Straight!

In the recent news of the nation the main story is about the events in Texas with the Fundalimentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. First I must make something VERY CLEAR they are in no means associated with the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints, (better no as the Mormons). The FLDS are NOT Mormons, despit what the mass media is trying to say. To learn more about the churches stances on this please go to this link: http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jspvgnextoid=bbd508f54922d010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&index=16&sourceId=9887ec6f164b2110VgnVCM100000176f620a____The

LDS church no longer practices polygamy, it was practice for around 50 years in the 1800's. But is no longer in practice. At the time it was, members of the church were being kick out of their homes at gun point, their husbends tar and feathered.(not reality to polygamy). It was put into practice when they went to Utah, at that time in history women had no rights and they had to get to Utah and that is why it was done. If you wish to learn more on this subject please go to the following link http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=bbd508f54922d010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=9887ec6f164b2110VgnVCM100000176f620a____

The main reason for blog this evening is due to someone's comment about an editoral written by someone at my college. That Article can be found here: http://thevoice.uamont.edu/5-20/op-ed/polygamist, comments about this story can be found here: http://community.livejournal.com/uam/17764.html. I was greatly offend at the comment that was made in comment to the annyomus person' choice of use of sites. The person claimed that the LDS.org site is not always accurate. I beg to differ. I know with out a shout of a doubt that is the most accurate information about the LDS religion and our belifs and practices. Every good journalist knows that Wikipiedia is not a place to go for accurate information. In my mind he had no right what so ever to say that, the site is not accurate. And I am hurt that he would say something like that. He stated that he could prove it, but I know that is not possible.

Living in the south is hard enough being LDS, but at the same time, its worth every second of it because there are so many chances to share the gospel and to set the example. I wish that when people wanted to know about the LDS faith that they would actually go to someone who is a memeber, ask a missionary, or go to the chruches website.

I love my faith and I would not change it for the life of me, I would die for my faith. I am proud to be a memeber of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It is who I am and what makes me me. I wish people would think before they act.

Another Death Yet To Come.... and a story about Alan Jackson!

So, my aunt in GA calls me and tells me that my great-grandmother took another turn for the worst. I was basically told that she was going to die this week. The hospice nurse said that her organ systems are shuting down. My great-grandma(mawma) is not eatting or drinking. When she is awake she very agitated(sp?) when she is awake and she apperently is calling my Uncle, pawpa, which is what she called her dad. She 98 years old and she lost her husband in January of 2000, I think* Shes lived a long good life and its her time.

I am okay with her death... well I say that right now.. we will have to see when I get the final word about it. But apperently my family in Texas is making the trip to GA to attend the funeral and my sister Lindesy wants to sing at it. My Uncle in Texas as alreaedy made the trip their... me I am at school I have a busy next few weeks to worry about with school, finals, and getting my associates... I've got like 4 weeks of school left. Can't mess up now...

But this does lead me to bring up of something of interest to me: it seems like every semeseter I have had to deal with some crisis in my own life just about every semester since I have been here. Yes, I can handle it and it will make me a better person in the end, but I can't help but wonder is all....

So when my mom was a teenager in high school her and her best friend went on vaction with Alan Jackon before he became famous. My mom's best friend Lisa, ran in to KJ( my mom's sister) at the grocery store and told her this. Yet, she has no memory of this little adventure. She thought it was another Alan.. but it was the real AJ. They all grew up in the town of Newton, Georgia. And apperently they had dinner togather.... Oh, brother.. I think I need a break from life... anyone wanna go with me?

Tommorw makes a year

Dear Derek:

Tommorw makes one year since you went to heaven. I look back on the night before you died and think about what happend. It was the day, that I got my best friend back and found that I had two best friends, you being the other one. Our convo that night was short. I remember us reading scriptures and talking about who turn it was to pray. I ended up saying it and marking it on my calander so we would remeber who turn it would be next. I remember how tried you looked that week. And how to me you didnt seem much like yourself.

Then I remeber the day you died, I remember getting up earlier to go to the journalism lab to go work on Yearbook stuff with Nancy and help her. I remeber how all earlier that morning I had the impression to call you and how I didn't. But, I sent you text message instead. I don't know if you got that text or not till this day. I remeber how when, I cam back to my dorm room before going to math class that I also wanted to hear Angels Among Us, over and over again. (This had
to be when the car wreck happened).

I remeber going to math class, and trying to understand it all and feeling pretty happy. I remember running into Colleen. I never run into her when she goes to class. I remeber her calling me asking me if I wanted to go over to her house to work, because her class got cancelled. A class of her's that is never cancelled. I remeber how I started to clean of the second self from the bottom and my phone ringing. Looking at the number I saw that it was out-of-state, I thought at first it was from Converages, trying to get me to have an interview or something. I answered it and it was your sister, I can't remeber the first words we shared. But I remember her telling me that you died. And then I started asking questions, like, what, how, when? And if it was possible for me to call her back. I had to let it all sink in.

I remeber walking over to the couch and Colleen, asking what is wrong. And how I looked at her and told her that you had died. And how fast my Branch Pres., the second concerl and her dad(my old branch pres.) gave me a blessing. I don't remeber the words said it in that blessing, I wish I had.

I remeber calling my dad, telling him that you had died, and that I was going out to your funeral. Because I know that you would do that for me. I remember callling my Journalism teacher telling him that I was not going to make to the PR class that afternoon.

That whole day, I could feel that you were with me. Till this day, I don't understand why you started to help me first with your death. I remeber crying a lot on the airplane and thinking, what if they think that I am too emotional to fly.

I remeber going to your funeral and thinking I wish I had someone( a lover) to put there arm around me as it was all going on. But, that wouldn't happen because you where dead and in the casket. I rememebr putting in a picture of us in the caseket, a red rose and my testiomony. I remember crying a lot those first few days and still even as the days, weeks and months past by.
It's still so very hard without you here. I see my two friends, Tara and Colleen getting married. And how I feel soo left out. And how I want that so much in my life. I want someone to hold me, I want someone to wipe my tears. I feel so far from it. I miss you honey. I tried of being single. I feel like I am one of those people in the short story that I read called the "Outcast of Poker Flats" and how I feel that mayeb I will just get kick out of the town(okay not so much that, maybe just less valued because I am not getting married) and by meaning this I mean how they kick people out of the town because they impores as a person.

I miss you... I hated now that you are gone and I am left. I do wish a lot that I was in Heaven. When I tell friends this they, don't like and it makes them worry. But, I do, I don't have any other easy way of putting it that way. I don't want be a lone.. I want a compaion. Everyone tells me that I will get married, I just got keep my doors open. But they don't understand, I am doing good just to date Arthur now.

They dont understand what we felt and more so what we shared. I don't like it how people told me that maybe we weren't suppose to be togather.. that hurts.. I don't want have to go through life struggles without a compaion. I look at other people and how they are going to get to have there compaion to help them through it. And too me that is not fair. I have already experinced so much pain and struggles in life. And through those times I have had to turn to my friends, family, stuff animals, and of course the Lord.

Am, I really ever going to get married? Are people actually going to care that its finally happening to me... right now I don't believe that it will happen. Let me put it this way, I don't feel that it is going to happen.

I miss you. I miss you. Tell our kids, that Mommy Loves them very much and she thinks about them a lot. And really does want them to come to her to earth. But, aslo let them know that she is sorry that if they can't come to her. Let them know that they are special and give them an extra hug and kiss for me tonight.

I love you sweet-heart. Please always remeber that. I will love you through Enterity. Thank you for changing my life.

Love your loving best friend forever, God be with you till we meet again

The Root of My Emotions

This week starts a pretty crazy week for me. Tommorw, being Wednesday I have two test, English and Biology Lab; Thursday I have a Journalism Midterm and I will get the results of my Design Stylebook; and finshing the week, I have a biology test. Then the weekend, marks One Year since, my fiance Derek went to heaven, my primary activity and it's my sister's Brittany's Birthday; moving on to Sunday I am in charge of Sharing Time at Church. So, it is surpising that I have time today to sit down and blog because I have soo much to do.

The reason I blog today, because I have found a song that lately seems to fit all of my emotions, the emotions of missing Derek. It's a song called "True Colors" and for some reason I feel that it really fits me.


You with the sad eyes This would be me...
Don't be discouraged Every since Derek died, I've been this way, wondering if it would ever happen for me again
Oh I realize People have told me that I would, but I don't believe them,
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people Of people getting the one thing I want and me having to wait
You can lose sight of it all After Derek died.. never thought it would happen again
And the darkness, inside you
Can make you feel so small I can only do so much, the rest is up to the other person.

Show me a smile then, I smile sometimes, but not all the time like I use too.
Don't be unhappy, can't remember When I last saw you laughing It is hard for me to remeber the last time, I was really laughing
If this world makes you crazy It seems like a lot of people in this world, get what I can't have yet.
And you've taken all you can bear You call me up I have lots of friends that I know I can count on to help me throughBecause you know I'll be there

Derek, was and is my best friend, I just miss him. I get tried of when people tell me to just move on or a least you weren't a mother when you lost him, being left to rasie a child by yourslef. (truth is I rather have that). The hurt I have from loosing Derek still is there. And just because I look fine on the outside, sometimes means on the inside I am screaming and loosing all inside. I see and hear about people getting married and it makes me sad. Bcause I want that soo much in my life.

I will say, three good notes about this: Derek came into my life at just the right time and was a blessing to me and my life. He was what I needed. And now, I have Arthur, a very understanding boyfriend. And yes, all of my friends and extend family that love me and help me through it all.

Swimming in the Rain

Well, it's spring break 2008! At my friends, Jasmine and Pam, came with me to Dallas! It's been a lot of fun! And was a great road trip! Of, course it was a 6.5 hour car trip! but it was a lot of fun!
Anyways, I have been taking lots of pictures. Sunday, we went to the Dallas Arbutruim(or how ever in the heck that it is spelled). There were lots of tupiles(a type of flower) there. It was a Texas theme. It really has been a great spring break!

Today, it is raining, not just raining but, monsooning! I don't think I have seen this much rain since I left Arkanasa, right now, my socks and shoes are shoak!

Last year at spring break, Derek came and saw me. We had soo much fun togather! I miss him greatly. Yesterday, the 17th was the last day, I saw him a live, the last day I kissed him, the last day that I hugged him. And watch him, walk through the airport checkpoint. I kinda felt that would be the last time I would see him, but because I was in love, annyorgied that feeling. Which, leads me to my next point: it may sound harsh and mean. But, it is frankly how I feel. I hate happy couples and all of their bliss! (I should make myself clear, I don't hate them all, just some)

Why? because I wanted that so much in my life. I want to get married, I want to have the enteral happiness. I had it with Derek, and then he died! The pain of his death, hurts me soooo much. No one can really uncerstand the type of pain that I feel. It's like waking up and realizing that you have to go on by yourself. That, the person you love soo much is no longer there. There are times, I wish all the pain and hurt would simple just go away and that I wouldn't be in this pain any more, but that is not possible, becaue then that means I would have to stop loving them. And I can never stop loving Derek.

People tell, me oh, you will get married don't worry about it. But, to them, this is what I say:
When? and Prove it! Prove to me that I will gt married! And when I mean this, before I am 30! For thos math geeks out there thats 8 years away! I wanna be loved again(i know I have a boyfriend) I wanna to have some put there arms around me and hold me. I miss Derek, I miss him... why is hard for some people to see that?

Yes, P and J, I am okay.. I just needed to rant!

Arkansas gets.. SNOW!!!

Okay, so Arkansas got its "snow storm" of the year! It happened on March 7, 2008!It Monticello, AR hard about 1 p.m. with siltness and it turned it to this white fluff stuff: know as snow. The weather got, pretty bad here, well, for us Arkansasan, and they cancelled classes for the rest of the day.







The snow, was soooo pretty and calming, that I really just enjoyed wacthing it fall from the sky. Seeing snow, is a rareity for us, but I sure did enjoy it! And the kids I babysit, loved it too!


Whats really crazy about this snow is that a week ago, we were getting thunderstroms warrings with torndaos and the following week, we have a snow strom!

One, of the reasons it made me happy was, I finally got my birthday snow, a month late!







Now, for the downside about this week... this time last year, Derek and I were seeing each other and hangout iwth each for the first time, since we meet online. We were madly in love with each other and kissing one another! It was fantistacte week. We went to Addison Circle, he meet my aunt and uncle, saw the JFK site, hung out, went to six flags, and kissed and talk about marriage and me becoming Future, Mrs.McGee.
I am greatful, for all that Derek, did in my life, for the great love he gave me, for his Chirst-like example. But, I am also greatful that he held my hand, when the doctor, told me that I needed to hae a thyriod biopsy to check for cancer.(In May, I found out that I was cancer free). He really loved me, and I loved him.



Yes, there is a new love in my life. But part of me will always, love and care for Derek.