Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Let's Try Love Again

I was telling someone the other day, the only guys I have ever dated have been online. First there was Morris. I broke up with him, after 9 months of being togather) then came Derek, him and I started making plans to get married, but then he died after 2 1/2 months of dating. I stayed single for 10 months, that was till about 3 weeks ago, till I meet Arthur.

A nice, wonderful, guy who reminds me of Derek, he like myself, have been through some trouble spots in ours lives. So, I am gonna try this love thing, again. Let's see how it works this time, hopefully if all goes well, I can make it to the altar.

I don't think I could handle another break-up, or having to burry another fiance'. It's just to plan painful.

To those who think its too soon to be dating again. It's not, not for me at least. It is something I have prayed about. And I know that Derek wants me to move on and most importantly be happy. And getting married and starting a family, would be just that for me. I know I said, I would wait for him, but I think Derek wants me to go on with life, and going on with life means, going a head and getting married.

Today, as I was playing music from my compture, I cam across this song, called, Strangers Like Me, from the Diseny Movie Trazan.

Whatever you do,

I'll do it tooShow me everything

and tell me how

It all means something

And yet nothing to me I can see there's so much to learn

It's all so close and yet so far

I see myself as people see me

Oh, I just know there's something

bigger out thereI wanna know, can you show me

I wanna know about these

strangers like me

Tell me more, please show me

Something's familliar about these

stransgers like me

Every gesture, every moe

that she makes

Makes me feel like never before

Why do I have

This growing need to be beside her

Ooo, these emotions I never knew

Of some other world far beyond this place

Beyond the trees, aboe the clouds

I see before me a new horizon

I wanna know, can you show me

I wanna know about these strangers

like meTell me more, please show me

Something's familiar about these

strangers like me

Come with me now to see my world

Where there's beauty beyond your dreams

Can you feel the things I feel

Right now, with you

Take my hand

There's a world I need to know

I wanna know, can you show me

I wanna know about these strangers

like meTell me more, please show me

Something's familiar about these strangers

like me...

I wanna know

Okay, so why the song? Because, with this new realtionship, there is soo much to learn. Right now in a sense, both of our famlies are strangers to each other(that is till the meet each other). I know that if I take his hand, he can show me the way. He can show me beauty beyond my dreams. (Something I have dream about all to often) But I also know that inside we are the same.. that is human.

This One Is For The Guys Part 1 -Poping the Question

Okay, so let me make something clear... I am not telling any guy to do this. I just got thinking over the last few months of ways for guys to pop that certian question. You know that big "M" question. "Will you marry me"

One of the ones that I lie the best is this. The guy gets one of those little kid picture books(either cardboard type-the ones that babies/tolders use or one with the paper pages-for the biggerr kid, who wont tear the pages) Now the book is about Love. Not the mother love kid or the father, but just about loving you. The guy gives it to his wife-to-be she reads it only at the end to find that written in perment maker a special note that says that he loves her and what not and wants to know if she would marry him. Then of course the guy would get down on one knee open a ring box or something like that. It's simple and sweet. And I think a really cool way to propose.

Another way is using Windows Movie maker they guy takes different pictures from he and his girl hang out puts it to a song that has speical meaning to him about their realtionship and at the end, something scrolls across the screen and says, "You made many memomories with me, I was hoping that you would make many more with me, will you be my wife?" Yet, another simple creative way to pop that question.

Well, thats all I can think of for now.. I am sure that I will think of more later..... So look for part 2 sooner or later...

The Little Mermaid

So tonight, Pam, Jazz and I wacth the movie the Little Mermaid. They had to watch it for a class called Critcal Theroy to write some paper.

But as I wacth it I found that it had sets from other movies. Now, for all those stuiped, cluesless people. Here is what I mean by that. In the movie I found sets that were used in the Little Mermaid, but later appeared in other diseny movies.

Here is some that I found: In the scene were Eric and Arial are in the boat(just before the "Kiss the Girl song") you see a Wipping Willow.. Like in Pocohantas(you know Grandmother Willow)

Then another scene is outside of Eric's castle where you find one of those pound things and small cricle prouch thing(don't know the name of it) but you find the same thing in Addlain.

When Arial goes to see Esral, she goes through, what I call the "Sea Grave yard" you find the same in the Lion King, with the Elphant Grave yard(is it just me or what, in the movie Sabastion, tells Arial not to go see Ersal, in the Lion King, Sibma Dad, tells him not to go to the Elpahnet grave yard)

And here is a random thought, do mermaids, die? And if so, how do you have a funeral for one? What is it like?

The quote of the moive that I like best... "I was flying, well of course I was flying"-Scully

Gordon B. Hinkely

Head of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints(the Mormons) passed away yesterday. He was 97 years old. He will be truely missed. I really thought that he would just live forever. I found out last night thru Arthur. It was very shocking to me, and of course I phoned people from church, my parents and my uncle to pass the word to them. Oh, my, my.

He was a dear old man, and at times reminded me of a Teddy Bear. He gave some much divine inspriation. Like the 6 Bees.( Like Be Greatful, Be Smart, Be Clean, Be True, Be Humble, Be Prayerful) I remember him coming to speak, when I lived in Knoxville. It was wounderful... When he came in everyone stood up at sang, "We Thank Thee Oh, God for a Prophet" It was really cool. I had to be about 10 years old then. I don't remember what he spoke on, i just remember being a few hundered feet away from him. A man with Great inspritation!

Then, last year in April 2007 I got to attend General Conference, in Salt Lake City, Utah boardcasted All Around The World (the bi-annually twice a year conference, where leaders of hte Church, give talks, ect.) I got to go to the Sunday Morning session, and it was a joy to be there, something very special to me. I got to hear him speak at that conference.
I know the Pres.Gordon B. Hinkley is in a better place and that he is now with his wife, who passed away about 3 years ago.

Now, let me makes something clear, for those that don't know what happens when the leader of the Mormon Church dies. It DOES NOT MEAN that are church stops being. We keep going.
I will have to say, that Hinkley will be one that I will remember the most, because I grew up learning from him. He got the church to get the temples over the 100 mark. Another blessing I am truely greatful for.

And for those thinking that there is no, such thing as having prophets or getting revaltion that all such things ended when Chirst died. You are wrong. Heavenly Father loves us so much, that he would still give us that blessing. He wants us to return to him. I believe and know to be true that Gordon B. Hinkley is a prophet, and I know that the next one, will to be called of God and will offer us many great blessings.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Heaven's Light Shine

The light's shines through the clouds. Looks like the heavens shine through touching just a certin part.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Thinks on : My Sister's Keeper

My Sister’s Keeper, by Jodi Picocult

I recently finished reading a book called My Sister’s Keeper, by Jodi Picocul. A very good book, if I do say so myself. For those that have not read the book, do so, I highly recomaned it. And for those that have read it, I want to hear your thoughts on it.

The only reason Anna was born was to save her sister. She was design to be a gentic match for her sister that was dying of cancer. Anna underwent so much for her older sister Kate.

But, when Anna became a teenager she decided to sue her parents so that she could make desions about what do with her body-this came about when her parents told her that she need to donate a kidney for her sister Kate who was in kidney failure.

Anna was tried of being used, when Kate’s body was going out of wack, rather it be a blood transfusion, bone marrow transplant, ect. I felt for Anna, I found my self in shouting out, no.. that can’t happen or just go girl, when something exicting happened.

I never thought that Anna would be killed.[Almost the same way Derek died] how her father saw her body and the nurse said that how her spirit was not their any more. That killed me, only because until you have seen a dead person and touch them, you that is true, that its just their body and their spirit not there anymore.

Reminded me of seeing in Derek’s body in his casket at his viewing. And how his mom, telling me that it was okay to touch him. At first I was really quick and soft. It wasn’t till later that week that I was able to really grab hold of his cold dead hand and hold it, then kiss him on the forehead.

Anyways back to the book: How in the end her sister got her kidney and that Anna fought so much for her rights not to do that anymore. Anna wanted to make the dession about what was to be done with her body. I am glad her sister got her kidney it was as if part of her went on living.

I loved this book it one of the best books that I have read in a long time. It brought me to tears at the end of the book.

Below are some quotes from the book that I enjoyed, some of which I went on to talk about. Please disregard in spelling or grammar issues.


Below are some thoughts from quotes in the book that I have liked.

Every parents needed advice
Page 147- “ Patenting is really just a matter of tracking, hoping your kids do not get so far ahead you can no longer see their next move.

“I became a firefighter because I wanted to save people. But I should have been more specific. I should have named names.”
I think that’s true about a lot of things. I was told that when you pray for something you need to be specific as to what you want. Because the Lord will give it to you in his time it just may not be how you wanted it. So you gotta be specific.

Cancer it becomes part of your life
Page 164 – “ It takes only thirty seconds to realize that you will be canceling all your plans, earsing whatever you had been cocky enough to schedule on your calendar. It takes sixty seconds to understand that even if you had been fooled into thinking so, you do not have an ordinary life.”

“They say that word, relapse, like they might say birthday or tax deadline, something that happens so rountienly it has become part of your internal calendar, wherther you want it to or not.'

Life gets no gauntness
Page 166- “I close my eyes, take a few deep breaths. And it strikes me: not everyone dies of old age. People get run over by cars. People crash in airplanes. People Choke on peanunts. There are no guarantees about anything, least of all one’s own future.”

Kid answers why the dino’s died
Page 169- “Today at snack Ethan said that the dinosaurs all died because they got a cold,” Anna says, “but no one believed him.”
Brian grins. “Why do you think they died.
“Because, duh they were a million years old.” She looks up at him. “Did they have birthday parties back then?”
I love to see that written in the history books. Dinos where old that’s why they died out… they didn’t died from coment! Maybe we should have children write are text books, I bet they would be far more interesting through there eyes.

Attention span…
Page 177- “Jesse says goldfish can only pay attention for 9 seconds.”
Some times I feel like that… only a very short attention span.

Page 178- “Why are terms of endearment always foods? Honey, Cookie, Sugar, Pumkin. It’s not like caring about someone is enout to actually sustain you.”
Those terms of Love, they really won’t keep you alive. And it won’t bring someone back. Sure they may sound all sweet and loving and caring. But, why call someone a food item? Does that mean you compare them to food? Sure, I liked to be called those terms, by my lover and I called him those names too. But, have you every really stop to think about how we truly us those terms.

Those Fake Pictures
Page 252- “I use to wonder about the fake pictures that came in frames you but at the store-ladies with smooth brown hair and show-me smiles, grapefruit-head babies on their siblings knees-people who in real life probably were strangers brought together by a taken scout to be a phony family.”
The author here makes a good point.. where do they find those families?

Ain’t that the truth
Page 266-“The Princpale is a dick.” “You know what, Jess? The world’s full of them. You will always be up against someone. Something.”
Well, not the best word I would have choosen. But, yeah, there are idots out there. And everyonce in awhile you are going to be up against them and their idiotics, that is just a part of life. But how you deal with them, is the key.

Page 271- “We are not the first person to lose a child. But we are the first parents to lose our child. And that makes all the difference.”
I know I wasn’t the first person to lose a fiancé in my life and by gully I won’t be the last. But it doesn’t make it any easier. I was the first person to loose a fiancé in my life, and more than likely in my own family.

Page 272- “Here’s my question:What are you when you’re in Heaven? I mean, if its’ heaven you should be at your beauty-queen best, and I doubt all the people who die of old age are wandering around toothless and bald. It opens up a whole additional realm of questions, too. If you hang yourself, do you walk around all gross and blue, with your tongue spitting out of your mouth? If you are killed in war, do you spend eternity munus the leg that got blown up by a mine?”

What love is… what Derek did
Page 310- “When you care more if someone else lives than you do about yourself….. is that what love’s like?”
Love is giving all you have at what all cost. It’s putting what you have on a plate and giving it all to someone else. I wish more people in life would realize what true love is all about. When Sara was talking wit Brian about this, I knew the answer. Yes, that is what love is like. And when someone loves you like every thing in the world then they will put their life in behind them, just to see you happy.

I didn’t cry till like page 322, after I read the apart about a boy, that Kate went the hospital prom with died. And the mom didn’t tell her until a month later. It was her I felt for Kate. Because, I lost someone I love so dearly. L

Lifes not fair
Page 326- “It doen’t take a whole long life to realize that what we deserve to have we rarely get.”
Living my last 21 years of my short life, I have come to realize just true that statement is. People don’t always get what they deserve. They may see others’ getting something and perhaps wonder why.
I myself wonder almost nightly, why I am not married. Why my fiancé had to die. And I guess, like the statement says… no one gets what they really deserve. Such as life.

Webster's Dictonary
Page 417-
“In the English Language there are orphans and widow, but there is no word for a parent who has lost a child.”
[Or a child who lost a parent, lost a sibling or someone who has lost a boyfriend(who was almost a finace) or a friend who has lost a best friend to death).]

Life and Plans on Life
Page 352 –
“Life sometimes gets so bogged down in the details you forget you are living in it…”

Page 338-
“If you want to see God laugh, make a plan.”

Adult and Life
Page 348- “Half the grown-ups on this planet have no idea who they are, but they get to make decisions for themselves every day.”

Page 350- Time
“There is a curious thing that happens with the passage of time; a calcification of character.”

Page 360- To Get What You Want
“Well, sometimes to get what you want the most, you have to do what you want the least.”
This is soo true I didn’t want to loose my fiancé but, I did. I could what till I get to heaven to get married to him. But I don’t think he wants me to wait that long, he wants me to be happy and by getting married I can achieve that type of happyiness. But getting married to someone means I can’t be with him.

Page 377-
“It’s not suicide,” she said, “If you’re already dying.”
[my head thoughts: So aren’t we already dying?]

Page 395-
“I realized that we never have children, we receive them, and sometimes it’s not for quite as long as we would have expected or hoped. But it is still far better than never having had those children at all.”

Page 422 –
Grief and Pain and Death
“Grief is a curious thing, when it happens unexpectedly. It is a band-aid being ripped away, taking the tope layer off a family. And the underbelly of a house hold is never pretty, outs no expection.’

“See as much as you want to hold on to the bitter sore memory that someone has let this world, you are still in it. And the very act of living is a tide: at first it seems to make no difference at all, and then one day, you look down and see how much pain has eroded.”

I know one day I will look back and see that a lot of pain has been eroded from Derek’s death. Yes, I will still see the imprint it left in my life but I will remember the love he left most of all.

“I wonder if she keeps tab on us.”
[I know that Derek does and he wants to kick me in the head ever time I cry. (Dec.24,2007)]

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

School and Snow and Red Boxes!

Well, tommorw is my first day back at school! Well, for the semester that is. I am attemping Biology again. Tried taking it in the spring of 2006, it didn't work out to well. I ended up droping around drop date. I just hope it can go well and pass it this time. I am a little nervous about school this semester a lot has to do with getting all my books, some of them I have, getting mailed to me, ect. But it just seems this semester is a little bit stressful. I know that everything going to work out and that the Lord will provoide, he has already.
Oh, and tommorw night start back my Wednesday night Achivement Days Teacher, thingy that I do. I am exicted about that.

A navity set that was my fiance's I think its really cool and is very special to me. His mom made them!
I had a wonderful time in Utah, I got snow for Christmas. It was a wonderful Christmas present. I think Derek, sent the snow for me.

My snow!!! Mine!!!!

Ice Crystals!!! Don't they look soo pretty!

Me making a snow Angel! What else do you do in the snow?

Me and part of "Bob" the snowman blob! Gotta love the snow!!!

My friends, Pam and Jasmine watch a movie called RM, its an LDS movie and Pam wanted to watch it. We loved it... we all laughed it was soo funny.
I was so exicted to see that Monticello has Red Boxs! They are the COOLEST way to rent a movie. Pay $1 per night per rental. It's a great way to watch movies.. and they are new release too! Yes, I do know what they are and how they work. Um, for anyone who would like to know, they started in Utah, so I hear. I used them a lot last summer! And I know where to get promo codes for it!