The Root of My Emotions

This week starts a pretty crazy week for me. Tommorw, being Wednesday I have two test, English and Biology Lab; Thursday I have a Journalism Midterm and I will get the results of my Design Stylebook; and finshing the week, I have a biology test. Then the weekend, marks One Year since, my fiance Derek went to heaven, my primary activity and it's my sister's Brittany's Birthday; moving on to Sunday I am in charge of Sharing Time at Church. So, it is surpising that I have time today to sit down and blog because I have soo much to do.

The reason I blog today, because I have found a song that lately seems to fit all of my emotions, the emotions of missing Derek. It's a song called "True Colors" and for some reason I feel that it really fits me.


You with the sad eyes This would be me...
Don't be discouraged Every since Derek died, I've been this way, wondering if it would ever happen for me again
Oh I realize People have told me that I would, but I don't believe them,
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people Of people getting the one thing I want and me having to wait
You can lose sight of it all After Derek died.. never thought it would happen again
And the darkness, inside you
Can make you feel so small I can only do so much, the rest is up to the other person.

Show me a smile then, I smile sometimes, but not all the time like I use too.
Don't be unhappy, can't remember When I last saw you laughing It is hard for me to remeber the last time, I was really laughing
If this world makes you crazy It seems like a lot of people in this world, get what I can't have yet.
And you've taken all you can bear You call me up I have lots of friends that I know I can count on to help me throughBecause you know I'll be there

Derek, was and is my best friend, I just miss him. I get tried of when people tell me to just move on or a least you weren't a mother when you lost him, being left to rasie a child by yourslef. (truth is I rather have that). The hurt I have from loosing Derek still is there. And just because I look fine on the outside, sometimes means on the inside I am screaming and loosing all inside. I see and hear about people getting married and it makes me sad. Bcause I want that soo much in my life.

I will say, three good notes about this: Derek came into my life at just the right time and was a blessing to me and my life. He was what I needed. And now, I have Arthur, a very understanding boyfriend. And yes, all of my friends and extend family that love me and help me through it all.